My Conspiracy Theory

It's the Girl Scouts. They are conspiring against me. It's a great organization. I was one once, and I learned a lot of different crafts at the meetings, but they are out to get me. I don't know why. I was a good Girl Scout.

Every year on New Year's Eve I make a resolution to eat healthier, more fruits and vegetables, less sugar and sweets. It probably has to do with all the Christmas gluttony I experience for the whole month of December. Then, for two weeks I eat nothing but healthy food. Cottage cheese on Ezekiel bread (because it is a vegetable, it's in the freezer section) and clementines for breakfast.


Salads for dinner or lunch, and lots of chicken.



I finally detox off the sugar. I don't even crave it anymore, and then they come. The Girl Scouts. They are everywhere. They don't just come to my door anymore, because they were on to me hiding behind the sofa, and pretending I was not home. Now, they stalk me. They know when I am going grocery shopping, so they set up their little trap for me at the exit. Pandering Trefoils and Thin Mints with cute smiles and big beautiful eyes. It's like selling drugs outside a rehab center. I'm onto their little tricks, so I stayed strong, didn't look them in the eye, kept walking past them, ignoring them. I got in the car, wiped the sweat off my brow, and drove straight home, relieved that I had survived the first of many attempts to get me hooked on sugar again.

I arrived home with the groceries and there on the counter are two boxes of Girl Scout cookies. I stayed calm and asked my husband if someone at work was selling them, and he said, " No, I went to Lowes and the Girl Scouts ganged up on me when I was leaving. Wouldn't let me leave without buying some."

That just confirms my whole conspiracy theory. I just didn't realize how deep it went.